while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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