Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
