The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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