I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
