Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
