do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
