Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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