he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
