do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
