oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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