Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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