I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
