She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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