GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
