Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
