Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
