can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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