so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
