Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
