I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
