My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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