he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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