i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
