i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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