this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I didn't notice because vodka
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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