Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
