the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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