SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just cropdusted the office
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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