I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How naked do you want me to be?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize