I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
