Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
