woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
