theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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