Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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