i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
