we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
