Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
