I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
