Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
