I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Do vagina's smell?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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