apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
