Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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