I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
