normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
