first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
