you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
