Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
