I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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