Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
