Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
