So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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