Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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