that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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