Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
