I want to walk on stilts...naked
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
