i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
