One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just want nice things and good sex
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
