Kiss
Puke
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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