i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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