The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
